It’s okay

I’ve restarted the gym for the third time this year and today totals one week I’ve been back, Yea me! I should be at a spin class this very moment but instead I’m sitting on my bed sipping juice from a wine class and watching lifetime. And that’s okay.

Before I would beat myself up and get annoyed about my lack of results. I’ve started and restarted diets more times than I can count. I’ve watched cheat meals which I usually have on Fridays turn into cheat weekends effortlessly. I’ve managed to remain pescatarian but have been struggling over the last month to become full vegetarian.

When I post I’m back on a new diet or back to the gym people literally message me and say ” Here we go again”. Even my boyfriend has given up on my dieting and often says “You’ve said this before” but nonetheless here I am another day, another diet TAKE 30!

Why am I telling you this? Simple!

I want everyone reading this to know that It’s okay.

Maybe you’re struggling to lose that last 10 lbs for the last 2 years and that’s okay.

Maybe you thought you’d be married by 25 and have 2 children by 30 but instead you’re broke , single and have 3 cats. That’s also okay.

Maybe you’re feeling lost and like nothing in your life is going as planned just take a break , maybe get a glass or wine or a scoop of icecream and take a deep breath love. It’s okay.

Maybe you just finished university or college. You have no idea what to do next or if you’ll even find a job. Just take a minute or a week to relax and gather your thoughts and guess what ?! We’ve all been there and it’s okay.

All of these things are okay.

It’s okay that I’m not at my goal weight. I’m actually so far from my goal weight that I can hear people singing ” To dream the impossible dream” in the background.

It’s okay that I don’t have my dream job or my own home as yet.

It’s okay that I’m not married or have children at 26. I mean children are expensive! I’m expensive! I can’t even afford my lifestyle! But some of my family and friends seem to think that should be my plan.

What’s not okay is letting persons or society pressure you into their norms or standards if you aren’t ready. You’re supposed to be working by 21, married by 25 and have children and a mortgage by 30 ?! Did I get it right? I’ll pass every single time. And that’s okay.

It’s really okay. You are in competition with no one but yourself. It’s your life and your story so write it, let no one guide your pen. You’re doing great and you will be fine.

Goodnight loves

Why is Losing Weight so hard?

Short answer ? Everything that tastes amazing is bad for you and aids in weight gain.

I am clearly no weight loss expert as I have been struggling with my weight for over 2 years. One minute I’ll stick to a diet and lose all the weight and then I’ll put all the damn weight back on at which point I’ll give up, say at least I tried and I’m cute anyway so who cares.

They are several reasons why persons struggle with weight loss like I do. Here are just a few

1.Everything I love is terrible for weight loss

Anyone who knows me know that I have a sweet tooth and Icecream and Chocolate Cake have very special places in my heart. These however like all the other things I love are terrible for weight loss and therefore have continually stunted my progress.

2. Lack of Self Control

Some of you are probably like me and lack self control. I’m the chick whose cheat meals turn into cheat days and/or cheat weekends. If you’re like me you already know what to do stop pushing the limits if you said one meal enjoy the meal and then go back to the plan.

3. Laziness

I am pretty lazy. I have to be in the mood to work out but I do love spin classes and morning jogs. If you’re like me I guess you just have to find the physical activity which you love. I personally believe that everyone loves spin but I know it’s not for everyone.

4. Stop skipping breakfast

I’m generally not a breakfast person. But I’ll probably make a shake or smoothie before a workout. Even if you don’t have a huge breakfast you need a substantial breakfast as it has been proven that skipping breakfast is more harmful than good when it comes to weightloss.

5. Eating too much or too little

Eating too much goes without saying but eating too little may be even more harmful. It not only sabotages your weight loss efforts but it can be harmful to your health. Your body can go into starvation mode which can lead to complications like low blood pressure or anemia. So when cutting calories make sure you maintain the daily required amount for healthy weight loss

6. Plan your meals

If you’re like me you lose control or unravel when hungry. This is why meal planning is key. This will prevent you from grabbing the first thing you can when you become hungry which is usually junk food or snacks.

7. Stop comparing yourself to others

Though I’ve never had this issue it may be a struggle for someone else. We all have to recognise that we are on our own weight loss journey. We also have to accept that we have different body types , metabolic levels and dietary needs. It is critical that you never judge how quickly or slowly you are losing weight in relation to another and just trust your process.

I wish to reiterate that I am no weight loss expert but these are just a few observations.

Also, if you are trying to lose weight you should definitely cut carbs from your diet. A low carb diet is key. Eliminate flour ( especially bread and pasta) and sugar as much as possible.

Drink your water, exercise regularly ( 3 to 4 times a week is recommended but varies based on the intensity of your programme) and get adequate amounts of sleep (6 to 8 hours recommended).

Finally , Just remember that you are beautiful and you’re going to lose the weight! Just trust the process.

What are you guys watching?

I’m sure most of you like me are patiently waiting for April 14th. I’m so invested. I’m on my fifth watch of the entire series so I’m right on time with the Final Season. After all “Winter Is Here”!

Other than that I’m binge watching several other shows that I’ve fallen behind on. My television show interests are all over the place. It’s a mixture of action, drama and comedy.

Truthfully I have different types of shows for different days and different moods.

For example, If I’ve had a stressful day or week there’s nothing I want to watch but “Black-ish” or “Shameless”. If I’m not super stressed but want a good laugh I’d find myself watching “Modern Family” orGrown-ish”.

I’m hooked on “How To Get Away With Murder “, “9-1-1” and I have been scrubbing in with “The Resident” , but have fallen behind in “This is Us” after the break. Honestly, that show gets me so emotional I think I need an emotional break and a box of tissues before I restart.

Suits was my heart but as happy as I am for Meghan she took piece of me away when she left the show. I am an avid Mike Ross fan though and will be binge watching that later on this year.

Most of my friends have been basically begging me to watch “Power” but since “Empire” has disappointed me so much I’m honestly probably never gonna start. I know it’s nothing like Empire that’s what everyone says but I just can’t take that chance at this stage in my television show experiences. I’ve been hurt before I need to heal first lol.

There’s this other show I found called “The Wrong Guy” that I was hooked on for a bit last year but I haven’t had the time to fit it in my schedule while trying to juggle the others and still make my April date. A girl has to get her priorities in check. I know y’all know who’s voice I said that in!

Finally, I watched a very thrilling season of “Killing Eve” and also plan to keep watching that but for now A girl must be ready for Winter!

I want to know what you guys are watching and if you have any suggestions for me. So feel free to like and comment and let me know what y’all are watching and if you guys are getting ready for winter too.

As usual have a great day !

Adulting in 5 easy steps!

Almost 2 years ago I came to the stark realisation that I was not going to have my life together by 25. I had recently graduated from law school and after numerous rejections was feeling pretty depressed. I was single and broke with no prospects in sight.

My twenty-fifth year was approaching fast and the closer it got the clearer it became that it was going to be nothing like I had envisioned. It took me a moment to realise, but this did not mean that I was a failure or that I am wasting my life.

If you are scared to start Adulting, have (for whatever reason) not been Adulting , have not the slightest clue how to start Adulting or simply have been Adulting but are feeling overwhelmed… Don’t worry! I have a plan as I always do  and we shall get through this together!

Life does not come with instructions. So here are my steps to mastering Adulting.

Number 1: Take Responsibility

Regardless of the reason that you aren’t or haven’t been Adulting, you need to accept responsibility. Maybe you had a tough life or couple of years, maybe you got screwed over , maybe you can’t find a job, maybe you’ve been studying all your life , maybe you’ve been sheltered all your life. The harsh reality is NO ONE REALLY CARES.
Every person has been through a tough period in their life , has lost someone , has been hurt, has hit rock bottom or has felt like giving up and for this reason , no one wants to hear your sad stories. So keep them to yourself.

Coupled with this, you need to lose the attitude of entitlement! No one is entitled to give you anything or do anything for you. You are an adult , so start acting like it! Trust me , It’s time to stop playing the blame game and to start getting in the game. If you want something you have to get up and go get it.

I was bitter and disappointed when I sent out over 30 applications and received either rejections or no responses at all. I eventually got to the place that I accepted that it was on me to find or make employment for myself. Those persons owed me nothing not even an explanation but I owed myself. I owed it to myself to put my law degree to good use and to ensure that all those years I studied were not in vain.

This is not an easy step. It takes a strong person to conquer this step but I did and you can too.

Number 2: Make a plan

A goal without a plan is just a wish” – Katherine Patterson

You may not be like me and have a plan for every single aspect of your life. But in order to move forward you must have some sort of plan or goal in mind. Ask yourself these two questions: What do you want ? and How can you make it happen? The answer to these questions will determine the nature of your plan. So get to it.

Your childhood days are over so you cannot expect or rely on anyone else to make a plan for you. Furthermore, it’s your life and you are the one who has to live with the results of the decisions you make so I strongly suggest you take control.

I decided after long consideration that I wasn’t going to wait on any firm to reject or hire me any longer I was going to be self sufficient and I was going to invest in my future and take a chance on myself. It was honestly the best decision I ever made.

Number 3Cut Unnecessary ties

A big part of Adulting is being able to make tough decisions. This can include losing a couple parasitic people from your life and truly considering who your true friends are. Guys, it’s okay to grow apart from people , it dosen’t mean that you hate each other or have to see them and cause a scene, it simply means that their chapter in your life is over and you are doing what is best for you. To avoid the drama,  I usually just change  my cell number.

This also applies to relationships. You have to know what you want, and by now you should know what you can and cannot tolerate. Have standards and don’t lower them for anyone! Don’t date or lead on people you don’t see a future with. Just be honest and cut them lose, it’s time to grow up!

Number 4: Get your priorities in check

Your parents are no longer expected to bail you out of situations and you should not allow them too, unless it’s out of jail of course.

You need to get your act together and start making wise decisions. This means it is no longer cute to spend your last on an outfit or a fete weeks away from your next pay check. It means that you do not need the latest iphone if you cannot afford it or if you have bills to pay or could use that money towards something more substantial.

It means that you will have to say no to chilling until 4 am on work nights because you have to be up at 6 am to prepare for work. It means you are going to act like a responsible adult and always consider the effect of your actions.

Once you learn to prioritise Aduting will become a breeze.

Number 5: Learn how to handle rejection

This is very crucial to Adulting! It is no longer cool to throw tantrums like a brat or act like the world revolves around you. Suck it up and move on. Failure is not final, and how you handle failure will determine how successful you will be.

Every successful person has failed at some point in time; Walt Disney was fired from a job because he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas”, Oprah Winfrey was also fired from her first television job because she was too emotionally invested in her stories, Thomas Edison’s teachers told him he was  ” too stupid to learn anything” ,     Albert Einstein had difficulty communicating and learning in the traditional manner… and I can go on , but I’m sure you get the point.

They didn’t give into their failures but used those experiences to drive them to do better, and today none of them can be considered failures.

Sadly , rejection and failure is inevitable.

You will fail a test or exam ; you may get rejected from several employers before even getting an interview ; the person you like  may not feel the same way , but that’s life.

Just remember! Do not give up! Do not allow the circumstance to have that power over you, if you want it bad enough you will find another route. Learning how to handle rejection separates the average from the extraordinary. Which are you going to be ??

Let’s get our Adulting on then . I really hope you enjoyed this post. Feel free to like or comment. Have an awesome day!!!! ūüôā


Hi loves! In an effort to blog daily I want to talk to you today about stocktaking. I know the idea can be pretty boring but just hear me out, it may surprise you!

I am sure you are all familiar with the process known as stocktaking. But just in case you are not, from a business perspective, it refers to the examination or recording of the amount of stock or material in a business; and generally it refers to the examination or accessing of one’s present situation, options and degrees with regard to
accomplishments and goals. It allows you to refocus and consider where you are and where you want to be.

Ever so often we consider questions like: How the hell did I get so far off track ? Why is nothing going as planned ? What the hell is wrong with me? How do I fix this situation?

Why haven’t I done … yet ? Why am I not where I thought I would be by now? How did my 5 year plan get so off track? How am I (insert age) and have nothing to show for it ? ¬†Am I really happy ? ¬†Am I really ready to be married in a year? Am I really ready to have another baby? How far away am I from reaching self actualisation?

The answer to these questions are only wrought by quiet, deep self reflection.

The answer to these questions requires you to take stock of your life!

I acknowledge though that most people detest this process.Most employees dislike it because it is a very tedious and time consuming task; and dependent on the size of the store and the labour force it can range from days to weeks. Likewise ,Consumers , my self included, hate when stores are closed for stocktaking as it prohibits their access to materials which they require.

In our individual lives , most people hate having to finally be confronted by the truth, they hate being forced to look in the mirror which they have been avoiding, they hate accepting that the relationship simply won’t work regardless of how much you love him or her or that they simply are not in control of their lives anymore.

It can be a reality check, it is time to lift up the rug where you swept all your problems, time to accept that you have been wasting time, time to accept that you have misplaced your priorities or simply just are a bit off track… It’s time to stop running and face the music!

Whatever it is for you individually , It is necessary. Only when you start to account for the stock you used or lost, can you verify the amount remaining. Only when you consider the mistakes you have made that brought you here can you move forward and ensure you don’t make the same mistakes again.

From a business sense, it is easy to lose track of the stock when someone is not constantly recording.Similarly, it is easy to become so caught up in our everyday lives that we lose track of time, and sometimes our goals or purpose.

It’s easy in ¬†a relationship to forget that you are an individual too, it’s easy in a work environment to forget about your personal goals, it’s easy when pursuing your studies to be so consumed that you forget there is life outside of or after university, and when you are on vacation to forget you eventually have to return home.

The point is when life is nice , and seemingly perfect , we tend to sweep threats to our happiness under the rug , or ignore them.Until, we can’t anymore and we’re forced to account for them.

But regardless of how you end up in the stock room , it’s important that you eventually get there for a number of reasons:

1. It provides a holistic view of your current situation.

Taking stock requires us to pause or stop! We are only human and we all require a break at some point in time. From a business sense, it would be very difficult if not impossible to complete the process with a store full of customers, and this is why during this time the stores close their doors to the public. In our daily lives, it is difficult to stock take when we are caught up in our jobs , studies , relationships and other activities. We too need to close our minds door for a while , just to focus specifically on ourselves.

Stocktaking then requires us to leave our comfort zones , take a break , a quiet moment , sometimes just to get some “me time” to consider where you have been and where you are going. When you are busy you can’t really consider what is going wrong but a few moments or hours of self reflection can get you right back on track.Your discrepancies become realised and you are able to correct them before they get out of hand.

2. It provides an accurate description 

It allows you to evaluate your life. Most people hate dealing with their faults. They ignore them, deny them, conceal them or convince themselves they aren’t that big of a deal. This process is aimed to combat just that. This is your opportunity to deal with your flaws head on, to deal with the things that have been hindering you thus far and to work on or sometimes get rid of them. You can literally consider your pros and cons at this stage. It allows you to build on the good qualities or resources that you have left, and also consider if you need to regain those which you may have lost. It allows you to make a realistic plan for the future based on your personal assets. 

3. It should make you better

After a stock take , all your stock should be accounted for. 
At this point you should have fixed your problems or discrepancies and devised a plan. I’m not saying you won’t mess up or get side tracked, but if and when you do you will have the tools required to bounce back.

Apart from in the business sense, Please try not to wait for an entire year before you initiate a stock take , I believe every 3 to 4 months should do the trick.  Pause ! Step out of your comfort zone ! Take your time and consider; Where am I? How did I get here ?Am I where I want to be? And if not, How do I get where I intend to be ?

As usual, I hope you enjoyed ! Feel free to like and comment! Have a great day!

Nomophobia! The Silent Addiction

Today I want to talk to you about the growing trend of Nomophobia which literally means “no-mobile-phone-phobia“.

It is defined as the irrational fear of being unable to use your phone for some reason, such as the absence of a signal or running out of minutes or battery power.

The Video by Gary Turk entitled “Look Up” sums it up perfectly. It’s time we look up from our devices and see the beauty that lies around us. It’s time we worked on actual friendships instead of focusing so much on how many Instagram friends we have. It’s time we get off social media and became more sociable.

I discussed this topic at Youth Group last Friday night and not surprisingly most of the younger persons attested that they really cannot imagine life without their phones. Most of us admitted that we all get in to a bit of a panic when we leave home and reach into our bags or pockets and cannot immediately locate our phones.

We all stated that we never turn off our phones not even at nights even if we are going to sleep. Most of them stated that they never turn off their phones. Furthermore , they can’t fall asleep without their phones by their side like an accessory. Each one of them attested that the first thing they do in the morning is to their phones and there is usually a moment of panic where they search around their beds for their phones and only after they have found them can they then lie down comfortably and begin their day by checking their whatsapp messages or social media feeds.

Some of us have adopted some of these practices which are all signs of Nomphobia. But do not despair you are not alone.

Several studies and surveys since 2008 prove that the feeling of anxiety in the absence of a mobile phone affects over 50 % of the population. It affects young people more because they are used to this technology from an early age and are more vulnerable as they need social approval provided by the continuous use of social networks. The study further proved that 67 % of persons or 2 in 3 people sleep with or next to their smart phones. Even more startling 34 % of persons admitted to answering their cellphone during intimacy with their partner. Crazy right?!

Considering all that was said before I want to challenge each of you to look up from your phones or tablets or any devices. I am challenging you to have a face to face conversation as oppposed to a whattsapp message even right now. Put down your phones at dinner and actually have a conversation. Enjoy the moment instead of taking a picture or video of it. Tell someone you like or love them instead of giving them a like on instagram or facebook.

I challenge you to a weekend social media cleanse. It may mean turning off your phone. It may also mean signing out of Instagram , Facebook or Twitter or whatever your social media drugs may be. Instead spend this weekend enjoying nature or reading a physical book. You can take a walk, a jog or just hang and have fun with friends or family.

Just for one (1) weekend. I challenge you and myself to Look up!

Love You!

With Valentines Day just around the corner I wanted to take this time out to remind you guys of the importance of Self Love. Receiving love from a partner or a family member is great but that fades in comparison to the love we should feel for ourselves. I am a true believer that no one but God can love me more than I love myself.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance” Oscar Wilde .

When was the last time you devoted a day or a couple hours to loving you?

Maybe you went to a nice restaurant to treat yourself , you may have watched a movie on the big screen alone or planned a special spa day just for you. Regardless of the way you choose to , when was the last time you solely devoted a couple hours or a day to loving yourself? When last have you had some real self love time?

If your answer is I don’t know or I’m not sure, I want to encourage you to fix it immediately.

I know self love is trending. It has become a catch phrase and a hashtag on Instagram and other social media platforms. We often hear people say that you can’t love someone unless you love yourself first or he/she wouldn’t have done a particular thing had he/she loved him/herself.

Self Love is defined as regard for one’s well being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcassistic characteristic).

My wish for all of you this Valentine’s Eve is that you truly learn to love and appreciate yourself. Here are some simple steps to achieving Self Love.

  1. Never compare yourself to others

I personally always say that I am in competition with no one but myself and I mean that with all my heart. Your only competition should be your former self and becoming better than you were in the past. This means you push yourself to achieve your goals and attain the plans you have for your life.

Ladies especially , we have got to stop comparing ourselves to others. Too often we go on Instagram and see our friends or even worst people we don’t even know travelling the world or buying expensive stuff and we immediately begin to feel less than them! Please stop that now!

Or we see our friends getting married or having a second child and we start to say why can’t I find a man or what the hell is wrong with me? Again! Please don’t!

Just stop comparing yourself to others. Stop comparing your life, your lifestyle, your body, your skin or even your hair.

Comparison is the thief of joy!

If you continue to hold yourself to the standard of others , there will always be someone who is doing better than you but if you compete with yourself alone you will soon acknowledge that you are right where you are supposed to be and your journey is just that your personal journey.

2. Date yourself

I began dating myself at 18 years of age and have been making Akelia time ever since. This may seem strange to some but I have promised myself that regardless of whether I am in a relationship or not or have a heavy workload I will always make time for me. I began the journey of dating myself by going to the movies alone or more accurately going on movie dates with myself. I enjoyed that experience so much that I made it a weekly thing.

Through the years persons commented on how weird it was and some even asked if I was lonely and volunteered to come with me but I turned down each and everyone of them. This went from movie dates to lunch and dinner dates and eventually spa dates but you get the drift.

Self love is personal and each person has to do what they are comfortable with. But I urge you to learn to date yourself. For those looking to get into a relationship I truly believe that until you learn to date yourself you won’t be ready to date another. So get to dating today!

3. Look in the mirror

Take a long hard look at you.

Yes, you have flaws, we all do. But, I want you to look at who you really are.

You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You can and will achieve everything you set out to. You will be successful.

I accept that each person may be at a different level at this point in their life. Some of us may have this part covered , but some of you may need a little push. Others may need to pause and take a moment and look in the mirror right now and reassure themselves that they are amazing and worthy of your love.

4. Practice Self Care

A person who loves his or herself takes care of his or herself.

This means you will maintain your regular dental , medical or salon appointments. You will ensure you engage in healthy activities including proper eating habits, exercise, adequate sleep and social activities.

You will say no to activities that cause you to be stressed or overly distressed. I often say ” Do not stress me out” to my significant other when he gets on my nerves because I refuse to allow anyone to steal my joy or happiness. This means setting boundaries and limits at work as well as in social and intimate relationships. Remember , you are looking out for you.

5. Self Love is Not Selfish !

One of my favourite quotes says ” Self love is not selfish; you cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself.” Likewise, you cannot expect someone to love you if you do not love yourself.

Never allow a partner or anyone at all to make you feel as though you are wrong or selfish for focusing on yourself first. Remember, you cannot love anyone more than you love yourself; and you are lying to yourself if you believe otherwise. So the more you learn to love yourself the more love you will have to share with others.

Loving yourself is magical and extraordinary. Learning to truly love yourself is a personal journey worth taking. Practicing Self Love will positively affect every single aspect of your life. I guarantee that you will be happier , more confident and more attractive just by beginning your journey. To begin this journey you must acknowledge the importance of loving yourself.

You need to commit to loving yourself! You need to make self love a priority!

I hope you guys liked my post today. If you recall nothing else , just remember, ” Self Love is not selfish”. It is necessary. Feel free to like and comment.