Those of you who followed my other blog know that this was my most popular post for 2017. Though I’m no longer single, I still believe I am very qualified to speak on this topic.
As you can imagine, This post isn’t for married couples, those in committed relationships or those desperately waiting or searching for “The One”. This is for persons who are absolutely comfortable and happy being single and plan to remain that way.
So without further ado, Here is how I’ve mastered the art in the past.
- Have extremely high expectations
This is stated first because it is critical. Once you master this step you will be well on your way.
Set your expectations high and do not lower those expectaions for anyone. I don’t care how cute or charming he/she may be. Once you lower your expectations easily or begin settling simply because you are lonely, needy or want to be loved you will probably get into a relationship. But consider this, Do you want the cheapest product or the best product?
I personally have a non-negotiable list, which includes things I simply won’t tolerate from a partner like smoking or cheating. I’m not suggesting that you walk around with a notepad and go on dates and be like ” nope that’s on the list and you just did that so sorry dude, you’re out”. You must know personally what you want and what you can and cannot tolerate. If you don’t know or have no standards or expectations you should be creating some not trying to get into a relationship.
So, to remain single, keep your expectations high.
2. Accept that you do not need a relationship
You may really like or love someone. But a relationship is simply not a necessity.
I’m the chick who wants to get kissed by my partner at midnight on new year’s eve so that we’ll have a great year, and I am still longing for my eiffel tower kiss. But, that’s simply a want not a need.
If I don’t get kissed I won’t die and it’s been proven because I’ve had some quiet new years eve celebrations on my couch cuddled up with my teddy bear, popcorn, icecream, wine of course and a live broadcast of the ball drop and other new year celebrations. Likewise, a relationship is not a necessity.
So, to remain single, accept that you are fine alone and do not need a relationship.
3. Stop comparing yourself to persons who are “boo’d up”
Alot of times, persons go on social media or watch hallmark movies and somehow begin to feed into the notion that a relationship somehow will transform their lives or that you will die or be shunned if they are still single while all their friends in relationships. God forbid if you aren’t married or have kids by 30.
I would honestly rather be alone with no kids at 30 than to be in a miserable , argumentative or abusive relationship. Too many of us don’t seem to understand that persons post the pictures on instagram after they have put on makeup to hide the dark marks or dried their tears.
I’m not bashing relationships at all , after all I am in a relationship but the reality is we place alot of persons on pedestals because we do not see them behind closed doors. Married couples and persons in 10 and 30 year relationships all attest that relationships are really hard work and the one attribute you must develop is patience.
So my advice is please do not judge or compare your life to that of any other. You can be single and happy. Be happy for your boo’d up friends, attend their weddings , like their photos , but accept that you’re not ready or you just haven’t met your person yet and that also is fine.
So, to remain single, accept that it is ok to be single and do not compare yourself to those in relationships.
4. Be too comfortable
If you want to remain single just be comfortable with who you are. Accept yourself flaws and all. Never try to hide them or make an effort to impress. Just be you and let persons take you or leave you. This will also help you build confidence and self love.
However, this can go both ways because being comfortable is encouraged in healthy relationships. The person who loves you will prefer authenticity over anything else. The right person will love you for you flaws and all.
But to remain single, just get way too comfortable or be comfortable initially. I am an expert at this because with me what you see is what you get. I’m literally the chick who has to take pictures of my hair fresh out the salon because I guarantee you by the next day my curls would have flopped, edges will not be laid and the list can go on.
I’m also the chick who never wears makeup, I honeslty don’t need it nor do I have the extra time it takes to get dolled up, the most I’ll do is lipgloss because I can’t be walking around with chapped lips in this climate. I never dress up when people stop by or say they are coming over to chill. I’ll be bright eyed and smiling in one of my brother’s shirts , shorts, socks and a headtie or more likely my hair in a hot mess , like nobody’s business. Most guys can’t handle the authenticity which is why in most cases it’s a guaranteed way to stay single. Authenticity always runs the fakers anyway. So be real and you’ll be fine.
I personally am too lazy to spend 2 or more hours doing makeup and then another hour on my hair. That would require me waking an extra 3 or more hours early and even typing that just made me feel sleep deprived. If there’s one thing I value in this world , it is my sleep. But I do commend the ladies who do so each and every day y’all are the real MVP’s. But for me personally, it’s too time consuming and time is money! But trust me if you doll down this is another way to remain single and also get rid of the fakers.
So, to remain single, Just be your comfortable, authentic self.
5. Wait on God
This is very important.
When we try to intervene and take matters in our own hands we will make the wrong choice.
I know you may feel lonely sometimes. But consider this , the right person is out there feeling lonely too. Patience is a virtue!
Use the time to spend with your family and friends and do some self examination; so that when the right person comes along you are actually ready for them. Who knows he/she may be stalling waiting for you to get your life in order.
These are my 5 steps to remaining happily single. Again , it’s not for those who don’t wish to be single. I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to like and comment. I hope 2019 started great for you! All the best !